One More Surgery???

So it seems as though I have gotten myself into a little predicament here. Unfortunately, this week I am faced with a pretty tough decision that feels like it will affect every step I take for the rest of my life.

The days after my surgery quickly passed. The days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and I realized I wasn’t getting better. In fact I was getting much worse. It got to the point where I was not walking anywhere, was sending text to my loved ones say “THROBBING PAIN”,  and I was wishing I could take back my surgery. The surgery that was supposed to make me feel better. Of course, I decided this wasn’t normal and I needed to head back to my doctor.

My doctor took Xrays and Cat scans and the whole orderal. He found that the smaller bone in my ankle (fibula) rebroke without the support of the plates. This happened because apparently (news to me) it wasn’t fully healed when he took the plates out and so (even though I was cleared to do to these things) my weight from walking, biking, and running (once) rebroke the bone. 

So here are my options:

      

           A.     Wait it out. Use 1-2 crutches for a month or two and bare the pain. Hoping my bone will grow back on its own without a plate. 

         B.     Get surgery next week (sep 11) and get a small but permanent plate back into my ankle.

 Well, it’s really easier to be angry here and spend all day placing

blame on people. Whose fault is it that my bone rebroke? I can replay everything I did and everything my doctor said over and over in my head if that’s what I choose to do. But, what good what that do? Would blaming my doctor make me feel better? No. Would blaming myself make me feel better? Definitely not.

Life is life and shit happens. You can’t predict or control what will happen next. One minute your catching a cab home and the next thing you know you and your life is upside down. All you can do is get through it the best you can.  If I wait it out and hope my bone will heal it will be ok. even if my bone doesn’t heal it will still be ok. If I have surgery next week to get a permanent plate that will also be ok.  And for now, ok is just going to have to be good enough. The day will come when this will all be behind me and I can look back and me be really proud of myself. But today is not that day. Not yet. And that’s ok too.