A Real Runner

Over the last few months I've gone through a lot of phases. There was the "i'm so hyped up on pain meds everything is great" phase. Then there was the constant replay and total focus of the actual accident phase. Once I was out of the hospital and off all the pain meds I was in the "I need to know every detail of what happened in the hospital" phase. Either I repressed a lot, pain meds made me forget, or some combination of both. If you knew me at all before the accident you would have said I was pretty obsessed with running. Alot of people have said this accident could be good because it might help with my obsession. Well, they're wrong. Now I am in the phase where I am EVEN MORE OBSESSED with running.

The running obsession phase comes in many forms:

1. Constant day dreams of when my feet used to hit the pavement or of the day they will again.
2. Creepily starring at people running and mentally critiquing there pathetic speed and form
3. Creepily standing next to my favorite treadmill at the gym and fantasizing about running on it again
4. The reoccurring dream where I jump out of bed and just take off running in absolutely no pain (this took place of the dream where I get hit by the cab, so it's actually a huge upgrade)
5. Talking to anyone who is training for a race asking way to many questions and giving way too much advise that they probably don't need or want.
6. Reading runnersworld.com instead of doing work.

Yesterday I read that wearing "real running gear" (looks like swim suit bottoms and a big sports bra) will make you a faster runner. I never wore it before because I felt that I wasn't a real hard core runner and I wasn't fit enough. Yet, as I watch the runner muscle fall off my once toned body I realize that I should have been way more confident.

In my first surgery they did a couple things. First, they reset all the brakes in my tibia and fibula. Both the bones in my shin... split right down the middle.. ouch! Then put what they called the X FIX on my leg. X FIX - short for external fixtator. What the heck is that you might be wondering.. It is the definition of repulsive. It's what they used to to stabilize my leg before the swelling went down so I could have my second surgery. Key word, external, only it was attached to my (internal) bones.

As gross and painful as that may sound, I knew then and I know now that getting the X FIX was my first real step to recovery. At the time I didn't realize how many steps there would be and I still don't know how many more the future will hold. But I can tell you what the last step to recovery will be-- buying one of those runner outfits. I'm confident that after all of this, i'll be a real runner.

I Hope So

I always do my long training runs on Sundays. So I decided to check my training schedule. It said--

Sunday April 1st. 23 miles. Pace: 7:55.

So, I thought about it and decided I probably wasn't ready today. Instead, I sat on the couch and did physical therapy. Only guess what? Moving your ankle up and down and sometimes in a cirle does NOT get your heart rate up or feel as good as running 23 miles. It also wasn't enough of a distraction from the awful feeling that I should be outside running a long run. I mean, that's what I do on Sundays. No matter what. For the last 3 years.

I decided to go to THE GYM. Going to the gym on one leg is not an easy task, but well worth it.

Things you can do at the gym one legged:

1) One legged leg lifts with ankle weights on your theigh (lay on your back, side, and stomach) Given the fact that I have almost no more musle in my left leg it was actually pretty though

2) Crunches. With the bad leg laying straight ahead

3) What my students call "Push downs" where you lay on your bag and bring your legs up and down

4) Planks (bum leg crossed over your good leg so no weight is on it)

5) A million arm weight exercises sitting down

6) One legged squats, WITH CAUTION.

Now, the stuff that I was doing wasn't really that hard. That wasn't the scary part. It was really all of the people staring at me like I was a crazy person. And hey, I might be right now. I continued on trying to ignore them. Until one man came up to me and said "if I ever feel like I can't train for a day I am going to think of you... talk about determination". And then I realized, some of them were staring at me because i'm alittle wack but others were staring at me because of my crazy drive.

After a long night in the ER my surgeon finally came to see me in the morning right before I went into my first surgery. After he told me again that I had a SEVERE injury and gave me a play by play of the surgery, most of which I didn't understand. Then... I asked the question that I had been anxiously awaiting the answer to.

"If I do everything you tell me to do, will I be able to fully recovery from this and get back to where I was before?" And without even thinking he immediatly responded

"I hope so"

I clearly started to sob. I lied earlier--getting my foot jammed back into place wasn't the worst pain of my life. Hearing him say "I hope" was way more painful. Hope is not what I was looking for. He later told my parents that all he could do was his part and I was going to have to do mine to get he best outcome. Well, Dr.-- Here I am, doing my part. What do you have to say about my 7:55 pace now?