The First Mile

5 years ago after my first year of college I had put on the freshman 15 (and then some) along with being dumped.  This left me sitting on my front porch so lost, depressed, and unconfident. I looked down at my old Nike sneakers that I had originally bought for style and decided I would go for a run. It seemed to be a solution to all my problems. I made it one mile and literally thought I might die the entire time. Yet at the end of the run I felt better.

Today, I found myself in the same place on my porch. This time I luckily hadn't been dumped but I had lost something that hurt just as bad. Looking down at my untoned injured body I still found myself feeling lost, depressed, and unconfident. I looked down at my mizuno wave rider 14s that I had bought for shape, arch support, weight, and speed. I decided to do the one thing I knew how to do to make myself feel better, run. I ran that exact same first mile again.

Since the accident I always wondered if when I got back to it would I be starting from scratch or would I have some of my muscle memory left? I still don't really have the answer. While my ankle throbbed, the pins caused horrible shin splits, and there was a shooting pain all the way into my IT band, I still ran a very solid pace and didn't break a sweat. With that being said, I dont think I could have made it step further. One more surgery and all that pain will go away, right?

I ran to feel confident, I ran to be happy, I ran to problem solve, I ran to cool anxiety, I ran to stay fit, I ran to distract myself, I ran to feel better, I ran to be better,  I ran to win.

As painful as it might be mentally and physically--  every time I run I feel myself getting all of those things back a little bit more.