Two steps forward, One step back

At the start of this week I was the most  relieved I had felt in a long time. Being able to walk was the best news because it released me to do so many more things. Yet, I had this little voice in the back of my head reminding me that though this is a step forward it will be really painful. I decided to ignore that little voice and dive into this headfirst.

On Monday..

I took the subway which included so much walking to and from.

I took my students to recess again so much walking

I lost the crutch whenever I was inside

I increased the time on the bike

By Friday...

I was crying at yelling at my boyfriend when he was trying to help me parallel park. Was I yelling because I suck at parallel parking? No, that's old news. I was just yet again, in so much pain. Which he of course, yet again, understood.

If you take a look at that XRAY you might start to understand why this feels so bad with every step I take. The screws which you can really see at the bottom of my ankle really hurt when I take a step. This leaves me with a really unattractive painful limp.

By Sunday...

I had spent the weekend in the pool. I walked back and forth back and forth back and forth. With no limp. I pool ran back and forth back and forth back and forth. Really slowly. I swam back and forth back and forth back and forth. 

Walking definitely still hurts, but not as bad. Which leaves me hope that next week the pain will be more barable and the limp will slowly go away. The idea that this is painful process isn't going away anytime soon is slowly sinking in. For the longest time I believed that as soon as I was off crutches I would be back to normal and walking perfectly. And at the start of this week I was still believing as soon as they released me to run and I would be running, like usual. But that too will be a slow painful process. 

Now that I've accepted that I think it will come with a little more ease and less of my own push back and denial of my own pain. I might actually start to listen to that voice in my head. And in the meantime I won't be crossing off the days till I can do it again because now I know it won't come all at once. With that said, I'm going to pool, to run.