“it's not fair it happened to me”

I was pretty mad at the world today. I got by hit by the “it’s not fair this happened to me” feeling. Just about everything I saw and did made me more mad, more frustrated. Completely little, unimportant things.

SO MAD!

1. Spilling my egg when I tried to put it on the table.
2. My running shoes in the teachers cabinet I found at work.
3. The ambulance noises that kept running by the school building and causing me to completely zone out.
4. My friend telling me she went to the gym today.
5. My cab driver speeding down fifth ave
6. The lady next to me at PT who was running on the tredmill

I figured after my day went by I would feel better. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but that doesn’t mean I had to stay that way. But apparently the “it’s not fair it happened to me” is a feeling that’s not so easy to kick.

So, I decided I was going to have to take action to really knock these thoughts out. I chose to take a little ride, feel a little freedom and independence. So, I whipped out my scooter and got some independence back. Kinda cool right? Pretty easy to keep up with the kiddos this way. Here’s the thing ,even with a little more independence and ease, I still felt like it wasn’t fair this happened to me.

My parents arrived at the hospital to the sounds of me screaming from pain when they were setting my ankle back in place FOR THE SECOND TIME. The were immediately told by the doctor that I suffered a SEVERE injury and was going to need two SERIOUS surgeries. I kept hearing the words SEVERE and SERIOUS over and over.

So, I’m not going to sugar coat this one. I have a SEVERE and SERIOUS injury. And some days, like today, suck. And on days like today I will always do things to try and make myself feel better, like ride around on a scooter. No matter how MAD I was today, no matter how SEVERE this injury is, I know that tomorrow will be better and I will eventually kick the “it's not fair it happened to me” feeling. And for that, I am so thankful. But that doesn’t mean that today didn’t suck.