6 Months 3 Surgeries Later

After training for marathons and running 50 miles per week I was  handed a piece of paper with a list of exercises I could do.  The list  included moving my ankle and down and scrunching  my toes in and out. I didn't think it could get much more depressing. I was wrong.  


After working on that crap for 2 hrs a day for 6 months and progressing so  much past toe scrunching getting handed that same damn paper again is beyond depressing, it's demoralizing.

The surgery went well and according to plan  but I was back to pain meds and wrapped up in bandages for a couple weeks. The surgery and bandages caused me to lose alot of range of motion again and the pain meds caused me to puke alot (all over my mom one morning)

It's safe to say now I will not being running the NYC marathon this November. You and everyone else who is reading this is thinking "duh Sarah, I could have told you that months ago." but while it was obvious to you, I held onto that hope until Saturday. Saturday I  defied my Physical therapist and ran 2 miles which left me in physical and mental tears for the rest of  weekend. Good times for everyone around me. Not sure if my mom preferred that or the vomit.

So here's the attitude I should have "omg I'm already off crutches! so exciting! I don't have any metal in my leg! I am so so lucky!!!!! There's no metal poking me when I walk yayyyy! I can walk 10 blocks without pain. I am such a rockstar!"

Don't get me wrong I am so happy and relieved about all of those things. Seriously. Just like everyone who tells me I should be happy to be alive. Right, I'm happy the car didn't kill me and I'm still a breathing human. But really, just six months ago walking and breathing seemed like givens and I remember those times a bit too often.

Walking and breathing are great. I will wake up everyday and look at my crutches and thank god I'm finally done with them. And maybe  I'm asking alot here given everything that's happened but I just want to be able to do what I love. I don't really care what the odds are anymore. I know myself and I know I will not give up... I will not give up...I will not give up...